Saturday, December 11, 2010

I boggle my own mind

My body has been falling apart of late. My elbow hurts and I have rashes and I sprained my thumb, I think.

Oh. Just found a hair in my cereal. Going to assume it is mine. Whatever. It was, like, the last five rice Chex anyway and they were getting soggy. Which is why Cheerios are the best cereal in the world. Because they don't get soggy. They just get better. I don't understand why the soggy cereal problem is so prevalent. Do the manufacturers not understand that I'm about to put it in milk? It seems that there is a disconnect somewhere. Either between cereal makers and us, or between me and the rest of the world that doesn't have the same problem with soggy cereal that I do.

Where was I?

Oh, my sprained thumb. Also, I'm forgetful and easily distracted.

So, my thumb hurts. It hurts most when I am pressing the button on the car seats that releases the strap. You wouldn't think it would be that much of a problem, but I am releasing my children from their car seats a surprising percentage of my day.

But what am I supposed to do? It's not like I can leave them in there, tempting as it may be. And it's not really feasible to always get somebody else to do it.

So I've just been pushing through the pain for about a month now. I try to bend it at a different angle so it doesn't hurt as much, but otherwise, a mom's got to do what a mom's got to do, you know?

Then, last night, I came up with a solution so brilliant, so out-of-the-box, so mind-blowingly GENIUS, that you probably thought about it at the beginning of this post.

Instead of using my RIGHT thumb to press the button, I could use my LEFT, non-hurting, thumb.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Happy Chanukkah

Wow. I totally thought Chanukkah started with an "H."

Not that I had much of an idea where to go from there.


I was so far off that google couldn't even figure out what I meant.

So I looked up a list of Jewish holidays and at it said "Chanukkah." You learn something new every day.


I picked the kids up at daycare the other day and Sam said "Happy Chanukkah, Mom!"

"Thanks Sam. Happy Chanukkah to you, too."



"What are we going to do for Chanukkah?"

"Um. Not much really. We don't celebrate Chanukkah."

"But we celebrate Halloweeeeeeen" (with just a hint of whine and a dash of outrage).

"I cannot argue with that, my friend."

"So why don't we celebrate Chanukkah?!"

"It's just one of those things, buddy."

"But I like dessert!"

I really don't know how to respond to that.

BTW,, I just spellchecked this post and spellcheck begs to differ about Hanukkah.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


"Yeah, Sam?"

"Do you know Michael Injaction?"

"Um . . . yeah? Where did you hear about him? He was a singer?"

"He is died."

"Whoa. Where did you hear that?"

"He is died because he ate a rug."

"Oh. Yeah. Well. Where did you HEAR that?"

"Cayden told me."

Apparently Cayden is going to kindergarten at E Weekly.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Goldfish have no memories

At work, we collect data.

We must then enter the data into a database.

The process of accessing the database goes like this:

1) Go to website
2) Put in log-on information
3) Wait 2 seconds for phone to ring
4) Answer phone, type in password

You are now logged on.

I would say, that probably 95% of the time I forget what I'm doing during step three and am surprised when the phone rings.

It goes like this:

1) Put in log on information
2) Wait for phone to ring
3) Man, look at how hard it's raining!
4) Oooo! A phone call! I wonder who it is?!
5) Oh, right, it's the database.

or this:

1) Log on
2) Wait for phone
3) I need to text Jessica.
4) Oooo! A phone call! I wonder who it is?!
5) Oh, right, it's the database.

but probably mostly like this:

1) Log on
2) Wait for pho . . . Oooo! A shiny!