Saturday, October 26, 2013

This is only a test

My boss came to my office the other day.  He asked me to come by his office later that afternoon to help him with a project.

I was kind of nervous, because I have no talents and can't do anything, so "projects" aren't really my thing.

So I went and sat down.  He folds his hands on the desk and says, "Beth, I don't want you to think of this as a test."

Oh shit.  It's a test.

"Really, all I want is your opinion, Beth.  I'm working on creating a questionnaire, and I'm trying to assess if MY understanding of what these questions are asking is the same as YOUR understanding of what these questions are asking."

So, you want me, your underlings, to tell you, my boss, if I think you are right or wrong?  Well, I don't see the danger in that!

"I've had about five other people do this, and they've all said it was a lot of fun!"

They were lying.  Because you are our boss.

So I sorted all the cards into piles.  When I was done, we went through my responses.  He said, "That's great, Beth!  You did WAY better than anyone else I've had do this!  You only got one wrong!"

I feel strongly that that was a test.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Motivational things we don't say

Perhaps it won't surprise you to hear that Lilly has developed a bit of a dramatic streak recently.

Remember a while back when she stood at the end of the driveway, waiting for her dreams to come true?

Yesterday she woke me up by telling me that she was listening to her heart, and her heart wanted to watch TV.

In the afternoon, Owen was playing with a toy he wouldn't share with her, and she said, "Owen!  You're breaking my heart!"

After dinner, her heart told her she really wanted to wear a dress instead of pants.

And then, when it was bed time, she said she was going to follow her heart downstairs for a snack.

The thing that's a little weird for me though, is that we don't say things like, "Follow your heart, Lilly."

What is HAPPENING at that school?

Thursday, October 3, 2013

My brain is not big enough

Guys!  SHUT UP!

The universe is vast and confusing.

Remember Mason?  Sam's little friend?  I wrote about it a while back?  It made me look stupid?

Well, Mason's mom emailed today.

Inviting Sam over for a play date.

I was all, type-y type-y type-y "Great!  I've been meaning to get in touch with you guys again now that school is underway.  Thanks again for taking Sam to the Lion King!  It's our turn to host, so let's have Mason . . . "


I've been thought this before.

Sam's little friend is NOT NAMED MASON.

But . . . but I have the email.

It says, "Hi from Mason's mom."

So . . . his name was Mason?  All along?

I sat and I thought for a while.

I compared and contrasted emails.

I've concluded that this is, in fact, a whole new little friend.

Mason's mom is clearly fucking with me.  Probably because she reads this blog.

Who doesn't, right?