Children on TV don't have food on their faces nearly as often as mine do.
Children on TV have better haircuts. In that they have haircuts. Ever.
Children on TV know how to use utensils. Unless they are TV children who were raised by wolves. Those kinds of TV kids are actually pretty realistic.
On TV, when kids dress themselves, its always a sassy mix of prints and some adorable rain boots. Today I was in public with the kids and I did that thing where all of a sudden, you see what your life looks to outsiders.
And I saw Owen.
Owen dresses himself. I let him, with almost no censorship (we believe in small government in this house). Because who cares, right? He's a five year old boy! Nobody sees him except his family who already loves him, and his fellow classmates in the most nurturing school environment ever. So, whatever, knock yourself out.
But now we're in public and I notice - really notice - what he is wearing.
1) Nike athletic pants, on backwards, as per usual. Also, as per usual, butt crack. Soon, nobody will know what "mooning" is, because everybody will call it "Owening."
2) A pajama shirt.
3) Ratty, old, disgusting, winter boots.
It was not adorable.
So I zeroed in on my least favorite part and said, "Owen. You have GOT to stop wearing boots. It's 75 degrees out here. Snow boots are not appropriate."
With a smile on his face, and a song in his heart, Owen says to me "I will NEVER wear shoes instead of boots! Unless they are GOLDEN!"
"You want golden shoes?"
"Yes! And they should be BOOTS!"
Oh, okay then. Apparently, I just need to get him golden boots. That won't be weird at all. And at least then he'll stop wearing boots.
Golden boots. What the hell is that about?