Riding in Cars with Kids

Driving with kids is a trip.  (See what I did there?)

Because, number one, they are TERRIBLE backseat drivers. 

 Both in that they are annoying and the are NO GOOD AT DRIVING. 

“MOM!  The light is GREEN.  So GO.”

Okay, well, but the ten cars in front of me might have a problem with that.

“MOM! The light is RED.  So STOP or you’ll get a TICKET.”

It’s true, that light is red, but it is also, like, a mile away. 

“MOM!  Could you go FASTER?”

No.  Shut up. 

“MOM!  You went through that RED LIGHT!  You are going to get a TICKET.”

I DID NOT.  I turned right on red.  Which is PERFECTLY LEGAL.  Also, STOP THREATENING ME WITH TICKETS.  And how about, since none of the rest of you know how to drive, you let me, with my years of training in the nuances of red lights, take care of the driving. 

They also seem to have gotten the impression that they have somehow managed to board a personalized luxury transportation service, and I am the concierge.

“Can you roll down my window?”

“I’m hungry.  Can I have a snack?”

"Can you open my snack?"

“AHHHH!  I dropped my snack.  I need you to pick it up.”

“I’m thirsty.  I need a drink.”

“Mom.  MOM.  Look!  Look at that!”

“Mom, what does that say?”

“Hey, what is that?  Mom.  MOM.  What is that?” 

“Can you roll my window up?”

Excuse me, you may not have noticed this, but I’m trying to DRIVE UP HERE.  I've tried very hard to explain that this car does not drive itself.  My attention is required up here.  To keep us all alive.  So I can’t fulfill your every whim at this precise moment.  

“Well, you should probably stop anyway because that's a red light."