Back to reality

I was driving with Sam yesterday.

Because that's what I do these days, drive around with various people in my car.

So we're driving and Sam mentions that in 1st grade today there was a bit of a controversy regarding whether or not the Tooth Fairy was real.

"Some people think she is not real," he says.

"Really?"

"But I know she is because you got a call from her that one time she couldn't come because she ran out of quarters."

"Um.  Okay." I said.

This is making me uncomfortable.  I'm not really sure why we tell out kids these stories, but I don't want Sam to be the kid in high school that's like, "No, man, I'm serious, she has a cell phone and everything."  I don't want to set him up for ridicule.

Because he WILL believe you.  This kid will believe ANYTHING you tell him.  His cousin knows that well.  I don't want him to believe me now and carry that far longer than other children because he's already a little behind the curve in maturity.  And that's aside from any personal misgivings about how grown-ups mess with kids and reality.

"So that's how I know she's real.  Because you said she was and she called you.  Right?"

Pause

Pause

"Unless you're lying.'

Ouch.  Why's it gotta be "lying?"  How 'bout we just call it Parent-Led Imagination?

But I couldn't do it anymore and I confessed.  I said the tooth fairy was not real, and I just said that she called because I thought it was a nice story and it was a nice thing to pretend about.

He sat quietly for a minute.  "It's okay that you lied," he finally announced.

Thanks.

"But now I'm wondering about Santa Claus."

I just turned the radio up and pretended I couldn't hear him.

Race - in the mind of a child

I was on the computer yesterday and Sam happened to see an Obama ad on screen.

"Wait," he says, surprised.  "Is that Obama?"

"Yeeees."  I answer.

"That's a real picture?  That's really what he looks like?"

"Yes."  I don't like where this is going.

"Wow.  I didn't know he looked like that."

"Like what?"  crap crap crap crap.

"Well . . . I just . . . I just thought his head was more oval."

Oh.  Well.  That's weird.  But at least it's not racist!

And Lilly?  Well, she got her first princess doll about a month ago.  She LUBS her princess doll.  She lubs her so, so much and she is so, so sweet.  She carries her around and demands you put the dolls god-forsaken plastic shoes back on her stupid plastic feet over and over and over again.  And then you get to brush her hair.

"Oh no!  A tangle!" Lilly says, "Better brush it out!"

This being all fun and games and imagination, as my daughter of the pin-straight hair has never been subjected to a hair brush in her life.

Anyway, about a week ago, Lilly came up to me and said, "I LUB my white doll!"

ACK!  You can't SAY that!  Where did she even come up with that?!  Where did she HEAR such a thing?! This is terrible!  Where did we go wrong?!

Oh.  Hang on.  She means SNOW white.  It's the Snow White Princess doll.

Well.  That's okay then.

But seriously, how about a different nickname?

What? I just really like free things.

I do have a job.

 And woo-hoo for that, you know, with the economy and all.

But it maybe isn't my favorite job

Silver lining there, though, is that I really appreciate the heck out of my weekends.

But I have noticed that my definition of a "good" weekend is a little different than it used to be.

I'm sitting here on a Sunday night, lounging in the warm glow of floors swept, and a million loads of laundry done and folded and put away, and 25 little tupperwares of lunch foods assembled, and an apple crisp baked and 3 children bathed and stuff like that.

I think that shift happened around the same time I started getting excited about things like free flu shots and underpants for Christmas.

I love Chris, regardless of the number of eyeballs he has

Also, let me be clear.  I am aware that I look horrific in hundreds, probably thousands, of photos.  But I think he looks surprisingly attractive, even with his teeny eyeballs, whereas I just look horrific just by dint of looking like myself.

Besides, he does clean up well:

Horrifically awesome

Sam is out of school so I've got all three kids home with me today.  

Let's just say that, if I were to suddenly become a stay-at-home parent, it would take me a hot minute to get the hang of it.  

Lilly's wandering around with a poop in her pants, there are dishes and banana peels all over the place, and the boys are doing something quietly in their room, i.e., something I will have to yell about soon.  

It was a great day, mostly.  All weather should be like September.  We went out to breakfast, to the library and the Children's Museum.  So it was a lot of fun, but now I have a terrible headache, and I feel vaguely nauseous.

I had a list of things I wanted to do today, but I guess they are now filed under "Happen, Not Gonna."  

I did not pull out the fall wardrobes, I did not figure out dinner, I did not do arts and crafts with the kids and I did not give Lilly a bath even though I DID let her play in the sandbox for a REALLY long time.

Still, it was the kind of day that makes me sort of hope I get fired someday.  

Well, maybe laid off would be better? 

Anyway, I do wish I was one of those people who, money be damned, stayed with their kids until said children go off to school.  Unfortunately, I have no confidence in my home-making abilities in general, and my capacity for frugality in specific.  

By the way, I did take a break in there to go change Lilly's diaper.  I do have some standards, you know.  

I think I'll become a professional photographer

We use Picasa to sort and store our pictures on the computer.  They recently updated to include the option to sort by people.  It took a while to train it who was who (No, Lilly and Jessica J. are not the same person, nope), but now we have folders for each of our favorite people.

By the way, it turns out we have 29 favorite people.

It's also an interesting gauge of how much time we spend with each other.  Like, we REALLY need to hang out with Elise more.  

I thought it might show the decreasing attention we paid to our children, so I compared their numbers.  We have 1100 pictures of Sam, 800 pictures of Owen, and 600 pictures of Lilly.  So then I thought, "Oh, that's so funny that we have so many more pictures of our first."  But then I was like, "Well, wait, that's possibly a spurious correlation because Sam's been alive more years than Owen who has been alive more years than Lilly."  So at least there is no physical proof that we love any one of our children the most.

Anyhow, the one thing I did definitely learn was that all of our pictures are crap.

I apologize world.  I don't know why my kids have food on their faces an apparent 98% of the time.  You'd think I'd notice something like that.  Especially as I zoom in.

And if their faces happen to be clean, then the camera is out of focus, or the flash is too bright or MY GOD THAT ROOM IS A MESS.

Also, perhaps Chris is in the picture with them.




I mean, he is a good looking man, no?  It's a shame what happened to his left eye, though.

Sleep is sooooo good

One caveat to my "pull back your focus" technique?

It does not work when you are tired.

Which is why everything feels sooooo awful when you are tired.

Sam only slept for three or four hours last night.  Which means I slept for only three or four minutes.  And today everything was so terrible.

It's okay for today.  But if someone else joins the no-sleeping club tonight, I will spontaneously combust tomorrow.