I'm a runner

So I've been running a bit in the past few months.

Well, technically it might be a heavy shamble, but the point is I put on my running pants and get all sweaty and red in the face. And while it may not be elegant, I'm sure not meandering.

I do walk in the beginning, and then again at the end to "cool down" (because I got tired), but the rest of it is definitely me heaving my body up the street in a bouncy way.

I deliberately choose to go running back in neighborhoods, on paths that avoid any major streets, because I don't want people judging me.

"I think that lady might have a heart attack if she doesn't stop soon."

"Why would somebody that big go jogging? Just eat another snack and get a scooter and call it done."

"Call 911! Somebody must be chasing that fat girl!"

Anyhow, because odds are that if you go outside people will see you, I've run into more than a few of my neighbors.

Some encounters have gone well, like when our rich neighbors were walking and saw me right at the beginning of my run so I probably didn't look like I was going to die.

A few neighbors have seen me head out, starting with my warm-up walk. They all say something about me going "out on a walk." I think it's weird that people would think I would put on running shoes, work out pants and an iPod just to go on a little walk all by myself. But whatever, because at least I still look reasonable (if a little fanatical about my walkies).

But last night, it happened. I ran into an acquaintance while I was on my cool down walk. This is bad because A) I look a sunburned tomato, and B) now that I'm walking the whole encounter is going to take longer.

And don't you know, this chick actually thought I'd just been out for a walk.

Dude, how far did she think I walked? I was impressively red and sweaty.  Like, "do you need CPR?" kind of red and sweaty.

I'm not sure whether I'm more worried that she can't tell the difference between my normal me and my red-sweaty-me, or that she thinks I got my ass kicked that bad by a neighborhood stroll.