I came home from a crap meeting the other day (you know, the kind where for the rest of the day you are going about your business with the vague feeling that something TERRIBLE has happened) and I got the mail. In the mail was a personal card, addressed to ME! Well, that's exciting, isn't it? How often does that happen?
It was from my soon-to-be sister-in-law and, at first, I was really confused. She was saying all these nice things about me and that's just not something that I'm used to. Honestly, my first thought was that she was breaking up with me. Like, Beth, you're really great and, someday, you're going to find a sister-in-law who is really right for you. But it's not me. Tell Thomas I said "Peace."
But then I read all the actual, you know, words and stuff, and she was asking me to be a bridesmaid! And then I was all confused again. Because she's all little and cute and she does know I'm a cow, right? Besides, I'm old enough to have birthed her myself. Why would she want to hang out with me? On her wedding day? I don't get it.
Too late SUCKER!!! I'm totally accepting!!! I get to be a BRIDESMAID! I will wear a matching dress and cut in line at the bar! I will walk around and tell people to do things and when they hesitate I will ask, "Do you know who I am? Let me give you a HINT. I'm wearing a matching dress. That's right, I'm people that knows people. Now GIT." I will tell Jessica she is beautiful, because she is, and I will help her hold her dress while she pees (actually, I'm hoping her sister will take care of that). I will be served dinner first, or at least be first in line at the buffet! I will request a song and that DJ better take it seriously! I will shout, "WooooHooo!" at various times, and with increasing frequency as the night progresses, and nobody will be able to kick me out because I'm a BRIDESMAID, fool.
I'm so excited for my special day.