Sunday, September 29, 2013

Flip side

So I was just thinking about the time that lady accused my children of being well behaved and we got into a fight because I wouldn't disclose my parenting secrets.

Possibly I was thinking about it because, this time, while perfectly well behaved, Lilly did poop in her pants.  Which, at a certain point past potty training, I don't even understand.  I get peeing your pants, but pooping?  How did that catch you unawares?

This time, nobody was like, "Oh, your kids are so great!"

And then I thought about the time Owen threw a raging fit in Target because they didn't have the Buzz Lightyear snowboots in his size.  And the time the boys literally ran into a lady at the grocery store.  And the time my children were hellions at the restaurant.  Okay, the many times.

And it struck me how stupid people are.

Like, people in general.

This lady looked at once instance when my children were behaving well, and assumed that my children were well-behaved and I had something to do with that.  I'm sure all the people in all those other places looked at my children and assumed we were shitty parents.

When the truth, obviously, is neither.  Sometimes they are horrible children, sometimes they are fantastic.  Sometimes we are decent parents, sometimes we are crappy.

All those, "Let's ban kids from airplanes" stories kind of get to me, too.  Not because childless people are clueless (though they are), but because of the people who HAVE children and say things like, "My child would NEVER!"

Seriously?  Are you kidding me with that?  Your child has never had a melt-down?  Are you sure they are real children?  Because if they are, I call Bullshit.

I'm not saying you can't have your child-free flights or restaurants or whatever.  Just,I mean, do you have to be such an asshole about it?  No need to throw around words like, "brat," and "spawn" and lament about wanting to give these kids a good spanking.  Just say, "I'm kind of an asshole but also I like quiet."  I respect that.  I get it.

I just don't see why we have to be so mean.  And assume that these vignettes that you see are representative of the kind of children and parents these people are in general.

Here's the other thing I think is pretty true - you're kids pretty much are who they are.  You can take all the credit for a well-behaved child, but, honestly, that's probably just how they were born - good job not screwing them up yet.  And you can take all the blame for your child when he's raising a ruckus, but, honestly, he probably just needs a nap or something and we should all have a little fucking patience because nobody is perfect.

Honestly, when I see other children misbehaving, it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.  Because I know that it is not my problem.  If Chris is around, we high five.  Not us this time!

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