Looks can be deceiving

I took the children to the grocery store today.

And by that I mean I took the children to the grocery store and dropped them the hell off at the in-store daycare because they are horrible people and nobody wants to be around them unless they are being paid to and not always even then.

I tried to shop real slow-like because I knew I was having an irritable day and a break seemed like a good idea.  But then I got hungry and started throwing unhealthy stuff in left and right and I knew it was time to go.
So I checked out and went to pick up the kids.  As we were walking away, a lady stopped me and said, "Hey, I was watching my son in there and noticed your children.  I just have to say, they are such well-behaved, polite children."

And I said, "Oh, haha.  That's not how they act around me."

And she said, "But how do you make them act like that?"

"Oh, I don't.  Really, they just do this for other people."

"No, seriously.  I'm not joking.  What do you do to make them behave so well?"

"Lady, I'M not joking.  They're monsters.  Complete crackheads.  I appreciate that they act nicely around other people, but clearly I'm the weak link so don't ask me for advice."

She walked away, suspicious and hurt that I wouldn't share my parenting techniques with her.  And I'm honestly not sure who the weird one was in that conversation.

So I think that went well.