Saturday, May 24, 2014

Revisiting Margaret's favorite topic

Owen's caught himself a little virus.

It's terribly sad, but he does look totally gorgeous.  His cheeks are rosy and his eyes are bright and glossy.

The vomiting detracts from the attractiveness, but there's always a trade-off, you know?

Honestly, I've seen way worse.  I mean, he's only thrown up once, and there wasn't even recognizable food in it.

Owen, however, asked me, "Is this the sickest I've ever been?"

Oddly, he seems way more distressed by the diarrhea.  After the first bout, he came to me in tears.

"Mom?  I had to poop but I didn't make it all in the toilet because it was all like soft."

Oh, gross.

"And I tried to wipe it off but it was hard to clean up."

Dear god, he's never tried to clean up anything ever in his life.  Why did he start now?

"I got some in my underpants, and I tried to wipe it out."

Please stop.

"And I didn't know if I should throw them down the laundry chute so I left them in my room."

Oh good.

"And I tried to wipe my butt but it took a lot of toilet paper."

"Owen, my love, I need you to go wash your hands right now."

He is clearly very upset about the diarrhea because he can't let it go.

"Mom?  Why did that happen to me?  It was like peeing out of my butt.  Why was I peeing out of my butt?  It made a really gross noise when it was falling into the toilet and that noise made me very uncomfortable.  When it touched the toilet paper it was GREEN.  Usually, when I'm pooping, I can kind of close my butt and pull the poop back up, but I can't with this."

He's had a LOT of visits to the bathroom this morning.  I checked in on him at one point and he said, "Mom?  I keep falling asleep, but then I have to go to the bathroom to have diarrhea.  But, Mom?  I got it all in the toilet this time."

"Oh, that's great, Owen."

"Not a speck was on the floor or the toilet seat."


"Can you please tell Dad that?"

"I sure will."

And I did.

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