Milk Run

So the other day Chris sends me an email, with a link to a 5K that he is planning on running.

"By yourself?"

"Yeah, it looks like a good location, and the course seems nice."

"But you're planning on going by yourself."

"Yeah.  I'll be fast.  Lightening."

"So you're going to do this race by yourself.  Without me."

"Yes.  Is that a problem?"

"It's just . . . don't you think it might be a little weird if you do the 5k For Breastfeeding Support by yourself?  A lone dude?   I mean, I don't know.  I'm just saying.  You should probably take me with you."

So we went.  And MAN were there a lot of ladies with babies at this race.  Didn't see that one coming.

I look around and, like, 50% of these people are pushing strollers and another subset is actually WEARING their babies in one of those wrap thingies, which doesn't even seem safe, but, hey, I don't judge.

I do judge.  Don't strap your baby to your body and go for a run.  It too bouncy.  You will break their little breastfed necks.

But I'm looking at my competition, and I'm feeling pretty confident.  I'm usually in the top part of the bottom half of runners at these 5Ks, but, come on.  These people brought babies!

But then we start, and holy crap these ladies were fast.  Just . . . ZOOM.

Whatever.  I'm here for ME, and MY HEALTH and so my husband doesn't look like a weirdo.

So I'm running, and I've been left in the dust by these ladies and their babies.  Now, it's just me and a 10 year old girl.  Who I'm pretty sure is only still running because she lost her parents.

It sucks running with kids.  Kids are TERRIBLE running partners because, 1) they are CRAP at pace-setting, and 2) they taunt you.

This little girl would sprint for a minute, sit down by the side of the road to cry a little bit, get up, sprint some more, trip, fall down, skin her knee, lay down on the ground, get up, run backwards for a little bit, look at a bird, and she STILL FINISHED THE RACE BEFORE ME.

Asshole.

She's fine.  Her dad was at the end of the race.