My new work bathroom

I may have mentioned that we moved offices recently. We are now in a much larger space and I have a sliver of window.

I like our new office space, but it is not all an upgrade. Our old office had TWO bathrooms to choose from, which was handy for avoiding the crazy broads in my office who still go to the bathroom together. Are we TWELVE? And at a SCHOOL DANCE?

Also, our new bathroom is so far away from my office I need to pack a lunch for the journey. Around here you don't "run" to the bathroom. Because that would be called a MARATHON. I've been thinking of investing in a Segway. That wouldn't be weird, would it?

On the other hand, our new bathroom isn't kept locked to keep out the homeless people who kept using it. To sleep in.

Which you think would be a handy change except that, everyday, for the past four years, I've had to remember to bring my keys with me when I went to the bathroom. And I got USED to that. Now, every time I head to the bathroom, I spend a few seconds looking forlornly around my office for my bathroom key before remembering, again, that I no longer have one. The whole walk there I feel vaguely uncomfortable. Naked. Key-less.

Also, I feel like our new bathroom is a little . . . odd.

My first day back at work in the new office, I headed off on my own to find the bathroom. I walk in and there is a little table and chair there, creating a little bathroom sitting room, I guess. I noticed that because I wondered if that was the supposed "pumping area" I had heard about in our fancy new building.

I'm using my office as a "pumping area" instead.

Anyway, the next day, I walk into the bathroom and see a couch. So I turn around and walk back out to check to make sure I've entered the ladies room and not the men's. Yup. I'm in the right place. Have I somehow sunk down to a different floor? Ah, well, never mind. Clearly they just switched furniture. The weird bathroom furniture. Because we need bathroom furniture in our office building restroom?

Then, the next day I walk in and . . .

THE CHAIR AND TABLE ARE BACK.

No fooling.

Who is DOING this? And WHY? It is FREAKING ME OUT. I'm already a little unsettled because of all the changes that happened when I was on maternity leave. Now I have to deal with this weird Matrix bathroom.

Also, I noticed that there is a coat rack, with, like, hangers and stuff as well as TWO umbrella stands in the bathroom.

Guys, we're not at the ORCHESTRA. This is our OFFICE restroom. We took our coats off in our OFFICE. Also, despite the long walk, I did not CARRY MY UMBRELLA.