Thursday, August 19, 2010

Note to Chris, Re: Fruit

A while back we were all gathered at my parents house for brunch. There was a fruit salad. Yay! I love fruit salad!

So I heaped some on my plate and stabbed my fork into what I assumed was a piece of watermelon.

But . . . ew . . . I don't think that's watermelon.

What is that?

Maybe grapefruit? I don't eat grapefruit very often, so maybe that is why it is not immediately recognizable.

Or . . . GROSS! Is this MEAT? Did my family make some kind of raw meat ceviche?! I don't even know what that word means, but they say it a lot on Top Chef in reference to food that looks like this!

"Guys? What is this?"

"That? The fruit salad?"

"No, this," I say as I indicate the floppy object dangling from my fork tines.




"I don't think this watermelon is okay anymore. I would definitely advise not eating it. Or, actually, yeah, you should all take a bite of this!"

Turns out that, helpful guy that he is, Chris cut up the watermelon. Even gave a bowl FULL of the meat watermelon to the boys. Clearly he did not taste it first, right? WRONG. He TOTALLY tasted it first.

But . . . how, Chris?

Anyway, fast forward to Tuesday night. The children are eating dinner, including some cantaloupe that Chris has cut up.

"Hahaha," Sam giggles, "Mom! My melon is sparkly!"


"Chris? Did you taste the melon?"


Why did I even ask that?

Seriously. Why did I even bother? He gave the children MEAT WATERMELON.

So I grab a piece of Owen's melon and it is, indeed, sparkly. Or fermented. Whatever.

To be fair, the boys thought it was fine. And they seem okay so far.

Chris. He has discriminating tastes. That's how he ended up with me.


  1. You can't always eat fruit on it's best day. My mother never protected me when I bit into a pear that was doing a rock impression. NO! I just ate the rock-like pear that I was served and I liked it! "Sometimes cantaloupe has sweet spots." That is what my father would tell me when he came home from the West Side Market with 10 cantaloupes for $1. We ate it, and we never died. That wasn't bad parenting, that was FINDING A DEAL!

  2. I cut up a cantaloupe yesterday. And I ate a couple pieces. And it was terrible. But I still put it in the bowl and then the fridge until the appropriate moment where I can feel okay about throwing it away even though I am not going to eat it and should throw it away right now.

    brains just ARE screwy about food.

  3. So you're saying your taste buds were burned off long ago and that's why you gave the kids meat watermelon?

  4. Just because we don't believe in some McDonald's menu world where food always looks "edible" and "isn't rotten" is no reason to persecute my family. We have Danish roots. Do you know what fruits grow in Denmark? Potatoes!!! You're lucky he didn't serve the rind! They EAT the rind in Denmark!