Thursday, October 21, 2010

Well I'm glad to know SOMEBODY'S paying attention

We get security alerts through email whenever a crime happens on campus. I guess to notify us, but I always feel like, "What? Am I supposed to go out and look for this guy?"

Fortunately, it looks like somebody was reading my blog and took my advice about just mugging people.

Incident Description: While walking near the east side of the Kelvin Smith Library, a student reported he was approached by a male who demanded he turn over his property of value. The student advised the male that he didn't have any property to turn over and then fled. The suspect then ran through Freiberger Field towards the intersection of East Blvd. and Bellflower Rd. where he encountered another student. The suspect demanded the second student turn over his property of value and after receiving a small amount of cash and a cellphone, walked northbound on East Blvd. attempting to leave the area.

I know it would really suck if that happened to you, and it's terrible to find humor, but in my mind that alert translates to this:

Bad guy: HEY! I demand you turn over your property of value!

Guy: Sir, I must advise you that I haven't got any property of value!

Bad guy: Fair enough! Good day! I shall try my luck elsewhere!

*running running running*

Bad guy: You there! Second student! I demand you turn over your property of value!

Second guy: I only have three . . . four dollars!

Bad guy: Well, give it! And your cellular phone!

*walking casually walking casually walking casually*

And I think my advice was good. He may not have gotten much, but on the other hand I don't think they caught the guy.

Seriously, from what I can tell, you should feel free to accost people, willy-nilly, in Cleveland.


  1. I wonder, did the first student give him like pocket lint and button as everything in his pocket or just say "I would really like to surrender my belongings to you, but alas, I have none." and the bad guy just went away?

  2. You forgot the "I have no property of value...and now I must flee!"
    *prospective victim scampers away, accoster scurries in opposite direction*

  3. I totally missed that part! Fleeing the bad guy! Why doesn't that occur to people more often? Do you think it would work? It appears to have worked in this case.

    So, next time I am accosted, the plan is, "DUDE! I have no things!" and then running away.

    Except, I haven't tried running in a while. I'm not sure I can. Maybe I will have to galump.